Roast My Chapter
Every few weeks – or whenever – I publish a chapter when I think it’s ready for the world. You read it and let me know how wrong I was.
Some chapters will reside here permanently (assuming I pay the hosting bills and don’t break the website). However, most will be pulled down after an amount of time I haven’t yet figured out.
You can post pretty much anything you want about my work – praise, criticism, revulsion. Of course, any suggestions for improvement are greatly appreciated. Drop a link into the comments if you want a return critique. You rub my back and I rub yours 🙂 Just give me a couple of days to approve your post. Yeah… spambots suck.
You may repost excerpts of my content on SM sites (um… that’s Social Media) with attribution for critique or comment – either good or bad. Just don’t pass off my words or ideas as your own. You’re better than that.
On that note, I probably should explain the burning-book banner. The photo was taken in November 2009 by LearningLark on Flickr. I do not know her. Like many of the images on this site, I downloaded it from Wikipedia. However, this one falls under the Creative Commons 2.0 license, so I must provide attribution. The Wiki page with deets and links is here: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:The_House_of_Leaves_-_Burning_4.jpg. I checked out her Flickr page. Sadly, LearningLark hasn’t been active since 2013. A shame really, coz she’s a talented photographer.
Chapter 1 – Shit Sandwich
“Shit Sandwich” is the fourth chapter of The Blue. It’s also the first one set in the near future. About time we got here. If you don’t know why Chapter 1 is actually the fourth chapter, please start with “Failure” and proceed from there.
This chapter is 1767 words (just over seven paperback pages), not including the title and copyright stuff at the end. This one’s got three scenes. The first is a short omniscient intro to dialogue-heavy PoV scenes that follow. Darryl and an adult Bakana each get a scene. There’s a PoV transition from Bakana near the end. I hope it’s not too confusing.
I screwed with chapter page formatting again. I still manually convert the text to images and watermark the hell out them. Let me know if it’s readable.
Looks like the red squiggle gods don’t like “radiotelescope” as a single word. The red squiggle gods can bite me.
I think Bakana’s scene needs some work. I want to get into her head more, but maybe it’s too early for that? I dunno. She gets some dialogue in the next chapter, and PoV in the chapter after that.
Go ahead… ROAST IT. We know you want to.
One response to “Roast My Chapter”
Another great chapter! I especially loved the build up in the section where Darryl is mentally constructing the metaphorical sandwich. The only thing that tripped me up was ‘Max is going to pay for this’ because I assumed it related to revenge rather than literal monetary payment for the drink. I had to re-read the first paragraphs of that section to recalibrate my understanding. It might have just been me being dense though! Looking forward to the next chapter 🙂
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