The Blue Are Coming
Roast My Chapter
Every couple of weeks – or whenever – I publish a chapter when I think it’s ready for the world. You read it and let me know how wrong I was.
Some chapters will reside here permanently (assuming I keep paying the hosting bills). However, most will be pulled down after an amount of time I’ve not yet figured out.
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Chapter -1
Letters from the Dead
Chapter 0
Brave Blue World
“Letters from the Dead” is the third chapter of The Blue. It’s also the last one set in 1977. If you haven’t yet, first read the previous two chapters – “Failure” and “Cry” (in that order).
My chapters are getting longer. “Letters from the Dead” is 1768 words (about seven paperback pages), not including the title. It’s another two-scene chapter. Each has something to do with “letters”, yet not in a way you might think. We start with the discovery of bones in South Africa and end with a caffeinated radiotelescope volunteer in Ohio, United States. There’s a connection to previous chapters and to what comes next. Why not stick around to see how it all fits together 🙂
As a tiny bonus, I’ve included Chapter Zero where a heavy narrative voice awaits. At only 111 words (sans title and copyright text), “Brave Blue World” is a bridge between then and now, so it’s not set in a particular time. Too bad, coz it missed out on 80s New Wave. Anyhoo, the next chapter will be set in present day.
Oh yeah… I reformatted the pages again. The font is a skosh larger than before (I wound up going with 16pt). There’s a chapter wordcount and page numbers in the screen grabs so you don’t get lost – and so I don’t skip a page and post another one twice like I did last time.
I didn’t edit out red squiggles. You’ll cope.
I’m wondering about the “Letters to the Dead” chapter title. Should I shorten it to just “Letters”? Let me know in the comments!
What about the negative chapter numbers I use for 1977? Are they cool, confusing, gimmicky? I’d like your thoughts on that, too.
Go ahead… ROAST IT. We know you want to.
2 responses to “Roast My Chapter”
Hey Bloo,
Really enjoying this. I like the title, but the ‘Dead’ part only refers to the first scene, so maybe not relevant for the whole chapter? The negative chapter numbers are fantastic in my opinion; they really suit the genre/tone of the book.
Only three things pulled me out of the story:
1) ‘I’m trying to run a vineyard’ – this felt shoehorned in for the reader. Can it be weaved in to the setting description more organically?
2) ‘This looks like indigenous artwork, but not of a local design’ – I don’t think this sounds like an authentic thought. Could you just say something like the following within the narrative rather than as a thought: Indigenous artwork decorated the inner circumference, but not of a local design.
3) I found myself skimming through Jerry’s movements between arriving home and him getting to work on the sheets; there was too much detail of unimportant actions.Thanks for sharing! Please notify us when there’s more to read!
Claire xx
Hiya, Claire! Thankssomuch for the critique and the shoutout on Litopia. I appreciate it 🙂
Glad you like the “number-line” chapters. The “dead” part also refers to the printout at the end because it’s from the signal of the dying scout. I know the second bit is actually alphanumerics but I’m hoping no one notices 😀
So you feel mentioning the vineyard in dialogue is just for the reader. I wasn’t thinking that when I wrote it, but I see how it could sound that way. The turn of phrase, “I’m trying to run a [insert business here], was common in the US some time ago. It was used only when the business was one word, like “I’m trying to run a newspaper.” Could be out of fashion now. I’ll try introducing the vineyard another way and see how it feels.
I could do the indigenous artwork bit in narration. Yet I want the reader to know that the character knows it’s not local. It’s not super necessary that he should know, but it sets up a convo I’ve planned for the end of the book.
Ah… too much detail with the Jerry scene. I read a lot of Neal Stephenson, can you tell? You should’ve seen the previous iteration when it was twice as long 😀 Maybe I’ll cut cack on the scenery. I think I’m trying too hard to inject a 70s vibe.
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