The Blue Are Coming
Roast My Chapter
Chapter -2 – Cry
This is the second chapter of The Blue. We’re still in 1977 – so still a negative number. Don’t know what I’m talking about? Please look here, and read the first chapter “Failure” while you’re at it. It’ll all make sense.
Anyhoo… “Cry” is a lot different than the previous chapter. There’s a woman fighting for her life during childbirth in the first scene, and a nerdy explanation of mid-seventies technology in the second. It’s longer than the previous chapter, but still only 1375 words (about 5½ paperback pages).
The pages are formatted differently, as well. They’re now displayed as images instead of text on a background. Let me know if the watermark is distracting – I can find another way. Just want to make sure no one uses this without attribution and/or passes it off as their own work.
I’m also worried the text size might be bit small. I captured the images at 14pt. Maybe it should be 15?
Hope you enjoy. Cry if you want; roast if you must 🙂
Go ahead… ROAST IT. We know you want to.
8 responses to “Chapter -2 – Cry”
Powerful and sad. Great writing style.
Thanks, MP! I was aiming for both, so I appreciate you taking time to read.
Ah…there’s the emotion. I was hoping it was in there. I love multiple-perspective novels and how the story is developing. Keep going!
Thank you, Claire. It was difficult making the doc emotional coz they’re not supposed to be. Ophelia as the first patient she lost along with Bakana being an orphan hopefully justifies the emotion.
Hiya Claire and Laura !
I fixed the repeated page boo-boo. How embarrassing 🙁
Clean and sparse, keeps the plot trotting. Love it!
If you need roasting, maybe pare down the medical procedure description (local anaesthetic bit). Things like that tend to slow down the action and read a bit like you are trying to hard to describe the scene for me. No big deal though.Thanks for that, Laura. I do get a bit overdescriptive at times (my engineering background, I guess). I watched an old television series called M*A*S*H where the docs went into detail about what they were doing in the operating room. I’m sure that’s still an influence.
Hey, Bloo,
I enjoyed this but I think there’s at least one page missing and another is repeated.
Claire x
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